Ok, so pull your calculators out for this one! You always see the TikTok and Facebook stories sharing abundant blessings when you obey God. I can't count them all there are so many videos detailing how when they trusted God with little, He rewarded their faith. And it is FACTS! He does reward those who are obedient to Him. The blessing is in your obedience. And on the opposite side of that fence, the lack is in your disobedience. So, just know, I am about to tell you the real deal cost of fear and disobedience to God.
About two weeks ago, I felt strongly in my spirit to bring God a firstfruits offering. I had been studying the book of Genesis and really desired to understand the difference between Cain and Abel's sacrifice to God. It was at this moment when I felt I should bring my entire paycheck to God on my next payday. I was SHOOKETH! Instantly I tried to discredit the command. I have struggled with ego and so I thought maybe this was just me wanting to showboat at church. Then I was like ain't no such thing as showboating when you don't have it so I knew that couldn't be it. Then I tried to reason with God "God, you know Josh and I have some hard convos regarding finances. We are just now stable. I know you wouldn't want me to do anything to hurt our relationship. Would you?" The feeling didn't budge. No matter the excuse, I kept feeling like I NEEDED to obey God.
So I said, "Ok! This is it, Rose. We are really gonna do this!" I was pumped up and afraid at the same time but I had decided to just go afraid! And my go afraid is to err on the side of SCARY. So I logged into all my upcoming billing platforms and paused my payments. Cause if I brought my entire paycheck I wouldn't have money to pay the bills so I just extended the due dates. For my Capital One car note, I added an additional payment to the end of my term and it only cost me $88 in interest. So I was like ok, this won't be too bad. Trusting God won't land me in the repo line after all. I rearranged, changed, extended, stopped- all the things to ensure I could trust God with my paycheck...
Only to make it to church on Sunday morning and NOT bring my entire paycheck as a firstfruit offering. I did, however, bring my full tithes- a full 10% of my gross paycheck and I was feeling like at least I tried. God knew my heart. Immediately after service I went ahead and paid my bills and turns out I still had to pay for the interest on the extensions I made even though I paid them on time/early. That evening I just felt like a complete failure. God had been so faithful to allow me to see my mom minister to the women of our church after she had been struggling for over a year to catch her breath and awaiting a diagnosis concerning her heart and lungs. I felt like a fraud. I just wanted to obey God for all He had done for me and at the same time, I couldn't logically see how I could bring my entire check and give it back to Him.
The next afternoon I went to the mailbox and saw a strange letter addressed to me. I almost threw it in the trash because it looked like a bill, lol. It was from the division of wage and labor by the US government. I opened it and it said a previous employer did not pay me all the compensation I was due and after an investigation, it was found I would be paid my back wages. It said I should receive a check, nearly $200 in the next few days. Yall, I was like is this real??? I hadn't worked for this company in over 13 years and back then I was so broke that I knew my paycheck down to a penny. I knew what that gross/net should be and it was NEVER short. But here I was holding a letter saying my check would be sent in the mail along with a W-2.
I know you're saying it's just $200 but listen to all that I learned- First, I asked God to reveal the difference in Abel and Cain's sacrifice and HE did! Sincerity matters to God. He cannot fully use a logical believer who only trusts in themselves. That's why scripture tells us faith is the assurance of things hoped for and conviction in things not seen. What is the believers' hope and conviction that we have not yet seen but await- Jesus Christ! If we could logically save ourselves we wouldn't need Christ. Secondly, I brought simply what has always been due to God and received $200 back. If only I had brought what He asked, I could have been blessed $20k or MORE! And most importantly, He still allowed me to experience His grace and love while learning this lesson. He never utterly cuts me down when I have faith and still have unbelief. All of the lessons I learn in private with God are laced with love and grace and I believe He will allow me to see this ask again and be counted among the faithful. When we ask God for things- to heal our parents, be with our children, bless the works of our hands- and we do not believe in Him to be able to do these things- we ask amiss, we ask in vain. God counted up the cost to have a relationship with each of us AND He still chose us. Now we must choose Him. The "how" won't make sense and that's because His ways are just too high for our understanding. All we need to know is the "Who", God Himself, will carry them out. Ok, hope you trust God more and more because it's just too costly to trust yourself. I love you. God loves you more!
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